I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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