I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
