Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
