i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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