I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
third nipple confirmed
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
