a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
