I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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