his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
