Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
