you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
