I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
