Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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