ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The air was thick with penises
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
