I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
