some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
