You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
