New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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