is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Randomize
