He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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