I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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