i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
