found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
