Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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