Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
