This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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