I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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