the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
