i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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