Whod you bang
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
