Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
