I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
