nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize