Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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