I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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