They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
