The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
