im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
