This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
