guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
