There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Randomize
