Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize