Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We had to coat check the pizza.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
