She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk is not a location!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
