she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
