I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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