Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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