I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
