My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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