Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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