He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
