This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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