everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
