hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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