is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
