theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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