You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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