apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
