He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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