Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
