im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
