We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
