as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
